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Archive for the ‘parenting’ Category

I feel so lost sometimes when I look out the window at the world that seems to be going by without me. It is not that I can’t walk outside, I often do, its a more of a mental feeling.

I feel trapped by the things that used to give me joy, because most of those things have changed. My three children are a handful but nothing is really wrong there other than being tired having to chase them. So I suspect its both the almost non existant money problem and the fact my husbands been disabled and not working for so long.

He has changed.. my husband was a happy, laughing, fun guy. We used to talk and smile all the time. He is very sick.. I know he can not help it. I feel terrible for him having to deal with it every day.  I do my best to make him happy.

His attitude about life is different.. he is obsessed with knowing where I am and what I am doing at all times. If I laugh at something he demands to know whats funny. If I am upset about something he barrages me with why until I want to tell him to back off. He wants me to go to him to comfort him for every small thing, and he complains about almost everything people do.

To be fair he does not constantly complain at me, he helps me with the kids and he does try to help out with the chores around the house. The good is there, but it is not close to the joyful man who used to be there.

All this is making me feel like my prayers are to weak to be heard. I do not feel lucky at all. It does not help that I can not just go spend time on myself for things like manicures and hair cuts. Im far to busy, and the money is needed for other things. I am a mother, a wife, and a caregiver, but my ‘self’ seems to be lost right now.

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It is hard for me to believe that its been almost a year since my last vacation to Florida. Last year my family and friends went to Disney World and Seaworld. We stayed at the Bahama Bay Resort and had an absoloute blast.

This year we are heading to Palm Coast to enjoy the beach. I am also planning to head to St.Augustine to check out the Old Spanish Fort and the reportedly ‘haunted’ Lighthouse. I saw it on Ghost Hunters one night and it was rather facinating the scientific way they captured an odd shadow near the top of the stairs. I will have to go myself and see how it feels and see if I capture anything with my camera.

I hope to go back to Disney soon as well. Perhaps for Christmas we can get there but it depends on finances. Usually it helps to split the costs with friends so that might be an option. 🙂

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Hurray! Today I turn 27 years old. I think im happy about it although it certainly seems a little too close to 30 for me. My mom stopped at 29 for many years.. I think I understand why now.

With three kids and limited funding I suppose I will just hang out at home and not do any ‘work’ as my treat. That actually sounds pretty nice. Wait it is sunday… I should not lie. I plan to finish a couple small things this morning. Then to listen to a sermon.

I find myself enjoying the live ministry from Lakewood Church on sundays. Joel Osteen and his wife Victoria and all of their ministers there are really positive. I watch it with my family and its alot easier for us right now than it is to get everyone rounded up for a service. Im off to watch it now in fact.

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I am a mother… I am so proud to be a mother. I have three amazing and beautiful children. I enjoy taking care of them each day.

My oldest son, Ryan, is 7 and he is so smart I am amazed each day. He knows more about tractors and lawn mowers than half the staff at the tractor company. He does well in school, a blessing, and enjoys socializing with friends.

My 2 (in may) year old daughter, Summer, is a ball of fire. She is stubborn, opinionated, and gorgeous, I think it comes with the red hair. I knew I was in trouble when she came into the world scowling.

My youngest son, Tristan, is 5 months old at this time. He has a personality that makes him easy to like. He is the type of child you suspect will grow up to win the Nobel Prize in something. That or perhaps become president, but I hate to compare him to a politician…

I am also a woman. Sometimes I wonder if she is lost somewhere under all the tired mess.

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